When it comes to the stages of grief, it’s hard for most people to avoid the anger stage.
This is the second stage of grief after denial and before bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Anger is a natural part of the grieving process, and if you try to suppress or swallow these feelings as they come up, you may end up delaying your healing. The anger stage may be more pronounced if the loss was unexpected or if the person you lost was still quite young.
Try to keep in mind that you’re going to be experiencing some extreme emotional discomfort during this time, and learning to adjust to your new reality is going to be a challenge. Anger usually doesn’t require you to be particularly vulnerable, which may be a reason why it takes place so early in the process.
Here’s some more information to help you understand the role of anger during the grieving process:
It’s Normal But Needs to Be Controlled
Understanding that anger is normal during the grieving process helps many people move through it, but it’s also important to understand that any outward actions need to be tempered.
Feeling anger, expressing angry thoughts and emotions, and sharing your anger with others are all healthy ways to experience this part of grieving. Some common thoughts people have during the anger stage of grief include:
- This isn’t fair
- They deserve to pay for this
- Why is this happening to me?
- Am I to blame for this happening?
- I want to get revenge
- How could God let this happen?
What you want to watch for is thoughts and feelings turning into negative actions that could end up harming the person experiencing the anger or others.
It Can Include a Range of Emotions and Feelings
Anger is more of an umbrella term that typically includes a wide range of different emotions.
When you’re in the anger stage of the grieving process, some of the common emotions you may experience include:
- Increased frustration
- Impatience
- Abnormal irritability
- Resentment
- Cynicism about life
- Pessimism
- Rage
Some Possible Behavioral Tendencies
When you’re feeling anger after experiencing a loss, it allows you to seize temporary control of your environment.
In all likelihood, you’re feeling completely out of control since something has happened that you had no control over. For people that have trouble feeling vulnerable or sharing their emotions, the anger stage can linger longer than most. Here are some of the tendencies of people experiencing anger in the grieving process:
- Being short-tempered and seeming emotionally unstable
- Being verbally abusive to friends, family, or even strangers
- Being physically abusive or aggressive
- Self-harming
- Using substances like alcohol, drugs, or nicotine
- Neglecting basic personal hygiene
Useful Coping Mechanisms
The key to getting through this stage of grieving in the healthiest way possible is to find useful coping mechanisms that can help.
These aren’t easy for a lot of people and require you to sit in your emotions more than you’d like, but they can help move the process along to eventual acceptance.
- Feel the loss
- Recognize the underlying feelings being masked by anger
- Don’t ignore your feelings or internalize
- Allow yourself the space to feel angry before it escalates to outward aggression
- Try different ways to express yourself, like art, sports, or journaling
- Try thinking about the situation from each person’s perspective
You can also join a support group or speak with a professional if you’re having trouble with the anger stage and can’t seem to get yourself out of it. Keep in mind that many others have been in this position before you, and there is an end in sight.
The Chicago Mind Solutions Difference
Chicago Mind Solutions works with individuals, offering neuropsychological testing and non-invasive treatment for many mental health conditions. For more information about our treatments and teletherapy options, please contact us at (224) 723-5050 or email info@chicagomindsolutions.com.
