Living with mental illness is difficult enough, but learning how to talk about it adds another challenge. This is especially true for parents, who are taught to always put their kids first and to avoid burdening them with taking care of them. As protectors, momma and poppa bear parents may fear that showing vulnerability to their kids could be construed as weakness.
It’s quite the opposite.
Kids are astute, and they recognize when a parent is “off” or behaving differently. Keeping them in the dark about your mental illness may cause more harm, and having an honest conversation with them is indeed an act of strength.
But how do you talk to your kids about your mental illness? Read on.
Take Care of Yourself First
We hear it all the time: if you take care of yourself, you will be a better parent, partner, teacher, coach, etc. because you then have more capacity to care for others.
Let’s use the flying analogy. Before takeoff, adults are instructed to affix their oxygen masks first before assisting children, because in an emergency, when the adult is prepared, that individual can better protect a child.
To that end, you’ll have a more productive conversation with your kids if you are in the right place, meaning you’re in treatment and managing your symptoms relatively well. While it may surprise or even upset your child to learn that you have a mental illness, you can reinforce that you’re already taking the proper steps to help yourself feel better.
Assure them that You Are Okay
It’s normal for young kids to fear death, an emotion compounded by the pandemic. Parents are often perceived as invincible, so the slightest crack in their veneer can send kids into a tailspin, worrying about your health.
They may ask, “Will you get better?” or “Are you going to die?” to which you should reply yes and no. Explain what type of mental illness you have and how treatment is making you healthier.
Educate Them
Go beyond your diagnosis. For example, if you have a depression disorder, explain what it is and what the symptoms look like: fatigue, diminished interest in things you normally enjoy, sleeping problems, and sadness.
Make sure the conversation is age-appropriate. You can divulge more if your kids are older, but for young children, Healthline recommends the following approach.
“With very young children, speak in simple language and use examples to describe how you feel. For example, you might say, ‘Do you know how you got really sad when your friend didn’t invite you to her party? Well, sometimes mommy feels sad like that, and the feeling lasts for a few days. That’s why I may not smile a lot or want to play.’”
Give them Time to Process
Even if you ace the discussion, the subject matter is a lot for a child to absorb. Give them time to process what you’ve told them and validate their feelings. They may need a few hours or even a few days, and you can expect that they’ll have additional questions. If they don’t follow up, you can check in with them to ask how they’re feeling.
Today the mental health conversation is more advanced than ever. Daunting as it may seem, sitting down with your children to speak honestly and openly about your condition will benefit the entire family.
We are Here for You
Chicago Mind Solutions provides a diverse range of treatments to address anxiety, depression, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADD/ADHD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and more. For more information about our treatments and teletherapy options, please contact us at (224) 723-5050 or email info@chicagomindsolutions.com.
